Over the past months I have been determined to make her love me and it just doesn’t work that way. I pampered and tried to impress. I begged and pleaded. I drove myself nuts denying the fact that I will never change her feelings. So I digress. I love her enough to let her go and live her life and be happy with whomever can fulfill her wants and desires. It makes me sad but I also realize that it will benefit both of us to be who we both need to be.
None of this affects how much I love my daughter. I live to help her grow and become a woman that will be happy tallented and successful as she ages and matures. She is only five but she shows the maturity far beyond her years. Except when she throws a fit because she doesn’t get what she wants, children will be children, and that is why I must love her unconditionally and train her to be a moral and well rounded woman.
I am sorry that I could not be the man that her mother could love. I threw that away years ago. I regret it but at the same time I don’t. I would not be the man I am now if I would have not gone through the hardships I have gone through over the course of my life. I thank all who have helped and hurt me over the course of my life, and I apologize to all of those I have hurt. No one should ever be treated the way I and so many other people have taken advantage of the ones closest to them, Leaving a trail of tears in their path.
I read a very sad story a couple days ago that made me think about my life in, not so much a new light, but think about those who I have affected over the course of my life and how I can change to make this world a better place and have a more positive effect on the people around me. Bill Zeller was just another man, but was harmed so horribly as a child he could not see the world around him or communicate with the people that could have changed his life. I pray that God would have mercy on his broken soul and give him peace in the afterlife. No one should ever have to endure a life as he did. I do not condone his actions but I do not know what I would have done in his situation.
It is time to move on to a new chapter of life. I vow to be the father that will always love his children and be the one they will always love and respect. I pray that God will help heal my heart and be able to be a full devoted husband and lover to whomever He puts in my life in the future.
I plan on making my online journal much more active in 2011.