Archive for the ‘ Life ’ Category

True Colors

The last couple of weeks I have been hooked on Zedd’s new album True Colors. There are multiple songs in which the lyrics hit me hard regarding my love life…or lack there of. A little under a year ago, I was “friend zoned” by a girl, woman, that I have an emotional interest in. She is everything I would love to have in a partner. She is self sufficient, strong, goal oriented, and pretty sure understands me. Which understanding me is a feat in and of itself. In the long run I am realizing that the “friend zone” status is not going to change, and it is driving me up a wall. Anyway, back to the point. Zedd’s new album has # songs in particular that I wish she could here the same way I do; Done With Love, True Colors, Straight Into the Fire, Daisy, and Illusion (Google Music link). I have been alone for a long time, and I want that to end. In the beginning I hoped she would end the loneliness, but I don’t think that is going to happen. My best friend keeps telling me to stop talking to her, easier said than done, I keep getting pulled back into her web of seeking friendship, but no more. I used to see a look in her eyes that I could only interpret as longing, with overcast fear. Now all I see is a glaze and I cant read it. While we converse and interact well, it always comes down to the same thing; I want to dive in and she’s content with playing in the kiddie pool, where her ankles are barely submerged. If anyone has advice I am more than happy to listen.

Smoke Free for a Year!

Today marks 1 year smoke free! I quit smoking February 13th 2013 and havent looked back! All thanks to vaping. I started vaping a quit a couple of times, but after struggling with health being tired and unable to breath I made the choice to put down the smokes and pick up a vaporizer. I will admit I have had the occasional analog while drinking, its not worth going back. Overall I feel better, I spend less money, and I dont miss smoking.

Lost in the Echo

I life losing its appeal? Why do things seem to fall apart and disappoint all at once? The band is in turmoil again due to the ego and stupidity of our singer. School is a struggle everyday. I made the mistake of taking classes on campus this semester and it is causing a lot of stress between school and my work schedule. I am definitely looking forward to dropping my English class next week, I am way behind and don’t want to risk my GPA over an entry level class, I would rather redo it. I am thinking about changing my major as well and just going for the associates degree to start out. I will get my degree in networking and then start on my admin certs and the gen eds that I will need to get my bachelors. I am very burnt out. There is never time to relax unless I drop something…I still have the basement to work on at the house, the apartment to work on in Clinton, and the porch to turn into a bedroom for Tay in my apartment. Its not getting any warmer out so I better get started, soon. Then there is the lack of a woman in my life, enough said. Finally I have been sacrificing my time with Tay to try to catch up on work I don’t get done during the week, she is not getting any younger. For the first time she chose to not stay with me over the weekend. She said maybe next weekend. It hurts a little. I don’t love her any less but I miss her. It sucks that her mother decided to ban me from having anything to do with their family, but its life. I pay my child support, provide insurance for Tay, and spend as much time as schedules permit. Ohh well enough complaining. Tomorrow I have another interview with RHT & SMG we’ll see how it goes but Im not sure about the whole situation.


Write what your heart screams and dance like flame on a candle of oil. Never lose sight of the things held dear. Love wild and live free. For no man can break desire when true. Be patient, calm, cool and find happiness in yourself. The wars of mind and body may fatigue the soul but the spirit never withers. Blind faith is as standing on the edge of a cliff in a hurricane knowing it shall not move you. All is loss but loss is gain. Knowledge and wisdom and tragedy teaches lessons of life. Die fat and happy in a life unwasted. Serenity

First Post for 2012

Well last time I posted I was jobless, depressed, and hating life. Things have really turned around over the last month. After I lost my job I ended up doing some short contract IT jobs and working on my parents house as well as my house. Still didnt get enough done at my house but its getting there, slowly. At the end of November I was lucky enough to be affered a position working for Sayers on site with John Deere. When Sayers hired me they said I would be working on Windows 7 imaging..when I got to Deere my first day I found out I would be taking over Windows Mobile 5, 6, and 6.5 handheld scanners, not a big deal its a job right…It is a big deal, this job role is going to be very taxing for the first year or so…but I am finally happy with what I am doing and I am learning alot, which means I am not bored and that makes my job enjoyable, plus the fact that I am working for Deere again.

Shortly after starting at Deere I started talking to my now girlfriend, Brooke, and in a short time we both realized that we are pretty much perfect for each other. I have been looking for a girl like her for a long time. She is outgoing, smart, beautiful, and a wonderful cook (so she says lol). Ive known her for a long time, or known of her, but never had the balls to talk to her. I took a shot in the dark and its paid off.

A couple weeks ago my Deere manager basically told me to go back to school NOW. So I signed up for classes at Blackhawk and was accepted, I take my placement test tomorrow and get information about my classes, hopefully I will be able to get everything lined up to start classes next Tuesday. I am planning on going into the Desktop Administration track which will put me on track for an Associates in Computer Science. After that I will transfer into a 4 year school to get my Bachelors.

I know the next few months are going to be crazy but Im happy and things are going great!


Its been 2 weeks of limbo. I think I may crack. I have worked many jobs since high school in several fields but IT is what I love. Being without a job and waiting for answers from placement agencies is nerve racking and depressing.
I have been helping with construction jobs a little trying to keep busy but its not helping. My mind is either racing or not functioning but most of the time it feels like both at the same time.
Someone save me from myself.


Does everything happen for a reason? What was the reason today? I’m seriously confused. There are some people that you just can’t trust and I learned that the hard way. Now I’m on a search. This just throws another wrench into things, ain’t life grand.