Archive for the ‘ Thoughts ’ Category


Write what your heart screams and dance like flame on a candle of oil. Never lose sight of the things held dear. Love wild and live free. For no man can break desire when true. Be patient, calm, cool and find happiness in yourself. The wars of mind and body may fatigue the soul but the spirit never withers. Blind faith is as standing on the edge of a cliff in a hurricane knowing it shall not move you. All is loss but loss is gain. Knowledge and wisdom and tragedy teaches lessons of life. Die fat and happy in a life unwasted. Serenity



Part of me is glad that summer is coming to an end and part of me is sad. It has been a crazy summer; a new job, a lost friend, an old girlfriend, a new girlfriend, more new challenges, burdens lifted and new stresses born. I can’t help but to look at it all and think where would I be if one or more of the events of this summer didn’t happen.would I be the same person? Would I be in the same place? I have no idea.

I write to get my thoughts straight. Today I realized ADM was a cake job and the hospital is a lot different. It’s not a bad thing that I made the move, just new challenges to face. I also realized that I don’t listen well. Whether to my boss or to my girlfriend. Caring too much can be the cause strife and not caring at all can cause complete failure. How do I balance it? I have no idea. All I can do is try.

That’s all I can really think about tonight.

Where is it?

Where is the picture perfect romance that I see on tv? Why can’t I find that one woman that wants me? To settle down, be happy, have a family, make a family and spend the rest of our lives making memories and stories to tell our future kids?
All I want is a cute quiet girl that sees me for me. Someone that doesn’t mind my flaws. Loves kids, since I have one its a requirement lol. I don’t want a rebound.
I don’t wanna go out everynight. I’m a homebody but don’t mind a good night out.
I really don’t know why I’m writing this out its pointless, but whatever. It’s done.


I wish I could say I like being alone but I can’t. If I liked it I wouldn’t keep myself so busy. I poured my heart out Saturday night to no avail. I still ended up right where I started. Though I did make some friends on the way. Possibly some enemies too. Which is too bad.

But anyway today wasn’t too bad. It went fairly smooth and quick. Once I got home I finally moved the lumber that was stacked in the drive way to the basement. Hopefully tomorrow I can get the debris from the closet hauled out and get some more wiring done. I really hope we don’t find much that needs repairing while trying to frame up the rooms in the basement. This feels like its taking forever to get started but it will be worth the time and effort.


I have been doing alot of writing the last week or so, just not on here. I have been keeping busy. The job hunt is going and ADM knows I’m looking. Have been getting alot done around my place. My uncle put trees in my front and back yard a few weeks ago, then started on the fence which should be done in the next couple days! I ripped a closet out of my basement in preparation for the up coming remodel/finishing of the basement. Started designing the wiring plans to rewire the house when we start framing, luckily I don’t think I will have make any changes to the piping. Other than frame around some pipes. The wiring will be lots of fun, the way the house is wired now is one big cluster f*#%. So each room is going to be rewired, which will take some time but I’m going to do it right, damnit!

So there hasn’t been much else going on that I want to rant about on here. All I can say is I miss her and wish she would come back to me. I’m going to go shower and off to bed!

The Words I Do

So I just watched the latest Greys Anatomy, because I am sappy like that. It was an episode about weddings and the problems that can hinder a wedding. Also the pressure that can mature out of a lie.

I will not lie it made me shed a tear. I thought about the day I may get married and how much it will mean to me to have a woman that I love devote herself to me and me to her for the rest of our lives. But also thought about my daughter and will I get to see the day that she gets married. Will I be the one walking her down the isle will I get to dance with her at her reception?

I think that getting married may mean more to me than most guys. And I pray that I have already met the woman that will be that special someone that I spend the rest of my life with. I already know I love her with everything in me. She is mysterious though. I don’t always know how to read her, but I see that spark in her eye when she smiles at me. I see a future of quiet times at home and family get togethers and children laughing and smiling with us. I can see it but does she?

I get she has been hurt in the past and I don’t want to pry that up. I have too most of all I have hurt myself. Sabatagded myself into failure. I can never promise her perfection but I can promise to always try to be the best and the pony man she will ever need.

I would do anything for her.

Last Day On Maui

Today is my last day on Maui. My family and I fly back to Dancer then to Moline starting at 10PM local time. I can’t wait to see Kristen. I really like it here but she means more to me than anything. I just want to be home with her. Someday hopefully I can afford to bring her here because it is beautiful, but I don’t need this place like I need her.