Posts Tagged ‘ love ’

Writing

I have been doing alot of writing the last week or so, just not on here. I have been keeping busy. The job hunt is going and ADM knows I’m looking. Have been getting alot done around my place. My uncle put trees in my front and back yard a few weeks ago, then started on the fence which should be done in the next couple days! I ripped a closet out of my basement in preparation for the up coming remodel/finishing of the basement. Started designing the wiring plans to rewire the house when we start framing, luckily I don’t think I will have make any changes to the piping. Other than frame around some pipes. The wiring will be lots of fun, the way the house is wired now is one big cluster f*#%. So each room is going to be rewired, which will take some time but I’m going to do it right, damnit!

So there hasn’t been much else going on that I want to rant about on here. All I can say is I miss her and wish she would come back to me. I’m going to go shower and off to bed!

The Words I Do

So I just watched the latest Greys Anatomy, because I am sappy like that. It was an episode about weddings and the problems that can hinder a wedding. Also the pressure that can mature out of a lie.

I will not lie it made me shed a tear. I thought about the day I may get married and how much it will mean to me to have a woman that I love devote herself to me and me to her for the rest of our lives. But also thought about my daughter and will I get to see the day that she gets married. Will I be the one walking her down the isle will I get to dance with her at her reception?

I think that getting married may mean more to me than most guys. And I pray that I have already met the woman that will be that special someone that I spend the rest of my life with. I already know I love her with everything in me. She is mysterious though. I don’t always know how to read her, but I see that spark in her eye when she smiles at me. I see a future of quiet times at home and family get togethers and children laughing and smiling with us. I can see it but does she?

I get she has been hurt in the past and I don’t want to pry that up. I have too most of all I have hurt myself. Sabatagded myself into failure. I can never promise her perfection but I can promise to always try to be the best and the pony man she will ever need.

I would do anything for her.

A While

So I haven’t posted in a while and alot has happened. Life has gotten so much better since march 19th the night I met Kristen Pell. My band, Creamery Road, played at Denny O’s in Fulton. We got done and Taylor wanted to stay at my mom’s house that night so I stayed out with the band and sat down with one of my guitarists. He was talking to Deb, Kristen’s mom and Kristen was sitting next to her. I saw her and immediately thought she was cute. Long story short we ended up talking and hanging out all night. I didn’t have the guts to ask her out face to face and she wanted to buy me a drink because I bout her one earlier. I told her no but if she would go on a date with me we’d call it even. She said yes. We went out that next Thursday night and I completely fell in love. On the 28th I asked her to be my girlfriend, I felt like I was in high school again, but its the best question I ever asked.

So it has been a little overall month since I asked her and I am so happy. She is the most important person in my life, other than my daughter, and I am so greatful that I met her.

Right now I am sitting on the beach in Maui, HI thinking about her and wishing that she was with me to see this. We started in Honolulu last Saturday and flew to Maui on Tuesday. I miss her so much but am enjoying the trip. It is beautiful here and one day would love to bring her here.

The one thing that is a constant thought is I love her with every part of me. Words don’t describe the feeling.g and attachment I have for her. Life is seriously amazing. That a smart, beautiful woman like her could love a broken man like me.

I am blessed and thankful for it. I love you Kristen.

Where are You Going

Where are you going, with your long face pulling down?
Don’t hide away, like an ocean
That you can’t see but you can smell
And the sound of waves crash down

I am no superman.
I have no reasons for you
I am no hero, Aww that’s for sure
But I do know one thing:
Is where you are is where I belong.
I do know, where you go, is where I wanna be.

Where are you going? Where do you go?
Are you lookin’ for answers to questions under the stars?
Well if along the way you are growin weary, you can rest with me
Until a brighter day, you’re ok.

I am no superman.
I have no answers for you.
I am no hero, aww that’s for sure.
But I do know one thing:
Where you are is where I belong.
I do know, where you go, is where I wanna be

Where are you going? Where do you go?
Where do you go? Where are you goin? Where do you go?

I am no superman.
I have no answers for you
I am no hero, Aww that’s for sure
But I do know one thing:
Is where you are is where I belong.
I do know, where you go, is where I wanna be.

Where are you goin’? Where do you go?

Tell me where are you going?
Where? Let’s go.

Happy Alone Valentines Day

So I was looking forward to spending this Valentines day with someone special, but as usual I screwed it up again. I moved too fast for her. We are still friends but I think that’s about it. I will be alone again for V-Day, it shouldn’t be a big surprise though. I am trying to stay positive through the loneliness.

Serenity

Over the past months I have been determined to make her love me and it just doesn’t work that way. I pampered and tried to impress. I begged and pleaded. I drove myself nuts denying the fact that I will never change her feelings. So I digress. I love her enough to let her go and live her life and be happy with whomever can fulfill her wants and desires. It makes me sad but I also realize that it will benefit both of us to be who we both need to be.

None of this affects how much I love my daughter. I live to help her grow and become a woman that will be happy tallented and successful as she ages and matures. She is only five but she shows the maturity far beyond her years. Except when she throws a fit because she doesn’t get what she wants, children will be children, and that is why I must love her unconditionally and train her to be a moral and well rounded woman.

I am sorry that I could not be the man that her mother could love. I threw that away years ago. I regret it but at the same time I don’t. I would not be the man I am now if I would have not gone through the hardships I have gone through over the course of my life. I thank all who have helped and hurt me over the course of my life, and IĀ apologizeĀ to all of those I have hurt. No one should ever be treated the way I and so many other people have taken advantage of the ones closest to them, Leaving a trail of tears in their path.

I read a very sad story a couple days ago that made me think about my life in, not so much a new light, but think about those who I have affected over the course of my life and how I can change to make this world a better place and have a more positive effect on the people around me. Bill Zeller was just another man, but was harmed so horribly as a child he could not see the world around him or communicate with the people that could have changed his life. I pray that God would have mercy on his broken soul and give him peace in the afterlife. No one should ever have to endure a life as he did. I do not condone his actions but I do not know what I would have done in his situation.

http://gizmodo.com/5726667/the-agonizing-last-words-of-bill-zeller

It is time to move on to a new chapter of life. I vow to be the father that will always love his children and be the one they will always love and respect. I pray that God will help heal my heart and be able to be a full devoted husband and lover to whomever He puts in my life in the future.

I plan on making my online journal much more active in 2011.

Protected: Contemplation of Words that Break My Heart

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